My Title: An Explanation and Exploration

What this silly title actually means to me, other than be graphically entertaining and portraying a slightly elevated sense of whit.

"CREATIVE": It is my life, My life is my work, My work is me. These are things are absolutely one. The thing most people don't realize about us is that because we put so much of ourselves into our work, our work is like a little piece of our soul. If you treat artwork with disdain, you should look into the eyes of the sincere artist next time you critique, you will see a fundamental force go out of their body as the life vanishes from their eyes. Creative people are often also the most difficult to live with, we’re overly spontaneous; serendipitous about when we want to go to bed, fickle about what we want to eat, overly conscious about the space we live in and the clothes we wear. Our senses are such an important part of our lives, that to us, to disregard them is to disregard what it means to create to begin with. That’s why people come to us isn’t it? They look to us to break them out of body and soul. It’s exciting, our entire society is made of stimulus addicts. Only problem is like the food we eat, there are many times when we don’t think what we just tasted was palatable, but most of us still consume it. Art is the same way, people always have their two cents and say they will not even justify that art with a critique, but what they don’t know is its too late-you already consumed it. That’s also the beauty of art-we don’t do ignored. That’s what also makes us impossible: not many can live with it, but we can’t live without it.

"WOMAN": Woman + ten pounds heavier en camera = not easy to document people with tainted self concepts. Identity and self worth has always played a big part in my work. Observing the struggle with identity and self worth of the women around me, as well as personal experience, has made me realize the effects of the images we make as a society. I realize that as an aspiring fashion photographer it may seem like more of an oxy moron than a reflective journey, but truthfully it has affected the responsibility I take for my images. The industry does have a unique effect on people because of the lack of knowledge of what is being portrayed. Activists have helped spread the word about the allure of the fiction of the fashion world. Although I believe that images of beautiful women simply draped in clothing is beautiful, mysterious, and mystical I also believe that it needs to be handled with the utmost care. I believe in using models that are not harmful to their bodies and creating images that are not commercially consumable. I believe that the fashion world is a fantasy, fully supportive of the ideals, but that it should remain only that in reality. As female professionals we have to take care in helping people understand what we do and maintain a rational mind as we approach this sort of fantasy that we are so susceptible to. I realize I have a tinted perspective on the world being a woman, and could go into Plato’s theory of the cave, but I think it’s a unique tint that makes my work compelling.

"PHOTOGRAPHER": It’s a gaze into my own clinical fantasy. Photography was the fulfillment to the numerous sketchbooks of fashion designs I kept through primary school, the crave of knowledge by the rational anal-retentive side of my brain, and the answer to the perplexed right brain yearning for meaning. It is absolutely my perfect level of sanity in my life. I feed off the chaos of taking on too much, of burning myself for an impossible vision, and of seeing accomplishment and growth through weary eyes. There is something incredibly nostalgic and surprising each time I deliriously look at my luminous IMac screen at the pre-print version of my work. It never ceases to amaze me that after dragging myself through the dirt and grime, thinking I’ll collapse before I see anything of beauty, and somehow gazing upon something that I think, at the time, isn’t half bad. Call me crazy but photography is what I live for. The constant challenge to see that I haven’t failed absolutely stops me dead in my tracks, quite literally sometimes. I think there are only really three simple experiences that truly blow away the senses that are not drug induced. First would be to taste something you’ve desired (for me it could be egg rolls or ice cream). Secondly would be drinking cold water in the shower. Third would be sleeping after experiencing said delirium. Guess all these sorts of things come from the fulfillment of something you have consciously or forcibly been denied to you. Those moments are simply the best.