My Title: An Explanation and Exploration

What this silly title actually means to me, other than be graphically entertaining and portraying a slightly elevated sense of whit.

"CREATIVE": It is my life, My life is my work, My work is me. These are things are absolutely one. The thing most people don't realize about us is that because we put so much of ourselves into our work, our work is like a little piece of our soul. If you treat artwork with disdain, you should look into the eyes of the sincere artist next time you critique, you will see a fundamental force go out of their body as the life vanishes from their eyes. Creative people are often also the most difficult to live with, we’re overly spontaneous; serendipitous about when we want to go to bed, fickle about what we want to eat, overly conscious about the space we live in and the clothes we wear. Our senses are such an important part of our lives, that to us, to disregard them is to disregard what it means to create to begin with. That’s why people come to us isn’t it? They look to us to break them out of body and soul. It’s exciting, our entire society is made of stimulus addicts. Only problem is like the food we eat, there are many times when we don’t think what we just tasted was palatable, but most of us still consume it. Art is the same way, people always have their two cents and say they will not even justify that art with a critique, but what they don’t know is its too late-you already consumed it. That’s also the beauty of art-we don’t do ignored. That’s what also makes us impossible: not many can live with it, but we can’t live without it.

"WOMAN": Woman + ten pounds heavier en camera = not easy to document people with tainted self concepts. Identity and self worth has always played a big part in my work. Observing the struggle with identity and self worth of the women around me, as well as personal experience, has made me realize the effects of the images we make as a society. I realize that as an aspiring fashion photographer it may seem like more of an oxy moron than a reflective journey, but truthfully it has affected the responsibility I take for my images. The industry does have a unique effect on people because of the lack of knowledge of what is being portrayed. Activists have helped spread the word about the allure of the fiction of the fashion world. Although I believe that images of beautiful women simply draped in clothing is beautiful, mysterious, and mystical I also believe that it needs to be handled with the utmost care. I believe in using models that are not harmful to their bodies and creating images that are not commercially consumable. I believe that the fashion world is a fantasy, fully supportive of the ideals, but that it should remain only that in reality. As female professionals we have to take care in helping people understand what we do and maintain a rational mind as we approach this sort of fantasy that we are so susceptible to. I realize I have a tinted perspective on the world being a woman, and could go into Plato’s theory of the cave, but I think it’s a unique tint that makes my work compelling.

"PHOTOGRAPHER": It’s a gaze into my own clinical fantasy. Photography was the fulfillment to the numerous sketchbooks of fashion designs I kept through primary school, the crave of knowledge by the rational anal-retentive side of my brain, and the answer to the perplexed right brain yearning for meaning. It is absolutely my perfect level of sanity in my life. I feed off the chaos of taking on too much, of burning myself for an impossible vision, and of seeing accomplishment and growth through weary eyes. There is something incredibly nostalgic and surprising each time I deliriously look at my luminous IMac screen at the pre-print version of my work. It never ceases to amaze me that after dragging myself through the dirt and grime, thinking I’ll collapse before I see anything of beauty, and somehow gazing upon something that I think, at the time, isn’t half bad. Call me crazy but photography is what I live for. The constant challenge to see that I haven’t failed absolutely stops me dead in my tracks, quite literally sometimes. I think there are only really three simple experiences that truly blow away the senses that are not drug induced. First would be to taste something you’ve desired (for me it could be egg rolls or ice cream). Secondly would be drinking cold water in the shower. Third would be sleeping after experiencing said delirium. Guess all these sorts of things come from the fulfillment of something you have consciously or forcibly been denied to you. Those moments are simply the best.

BIO

Born in Wisconsin I have moved around my fair share. About every two years I seem to like to move. I think it's because I get restless and bored with feeling comfortable. I feel friendships are necessary but am completely humble with people moving in and out of my life. I have met many people along my journey to my professional courier. I think that's why I felt it necessary to begin blogging. As I graduate this giant chapter in my life of education, I think its appropriate to figure out not only where I've been but where I plan to go in the future, and recognize who's got me there along the way. So hence how my blog came to be.

'Self Expression' has always come easily to me. Art started as a major part of my life somewhere in middle school in Wauseon, OH, striving to shelter the strain on my left brain my parents tell me, and the toils of being the awkward kid in the middle of social high life. I've always been a good student and is why becoming an artist was a difficult path. Many felt in the beginning that it was a waste of my mental capacity. I actually started out in Medicine at The University of Toledo in 2006 with the hopes to be an ophthalmologist and study how eyes worked, and fix them so people could see the vibrancy there was in life. In 2007 I finally began my studies in art professionally at The University of Toledo under valuable mentors like Diana Attie, and Deborah Orloff. A quick learner, I quickly came to adore any art that challenged both my analytical side and creative side of my mind. I began my artistic career with high aspirations in Medical and Anatomical Illustration but found my passion as soon as I experienced photography. I suppose in a way I was doing what an ophthalmologist does only with less education and less sharp objects. The change in interest propelled me to further my education at the Columbus College of Art and Design. There I met some of my most influential mentors like Duncan Snyder, Stephen Webster, and Stephanie Mathews. Now, after being there for two years, I will be graduating with a BFA in Photography at the age of 21.

My work has been an evolution from fine art to commercial. Identity and self worth has always played a big part in my work. Observing the struggle with identity and self worth of the women around me, as well as personal experience, has made me realize the effects of the images we make as a society. I believe in life and creating images that are not commercially consumable, but love the fantasy of the industry. I am big on the technical side of photography but try to not let myself get to bogged down by structure and knowledge that I loose sight of what it means to be ingenuitive. That doesn't mean I'm the whimsical type though either. I'm a person that works in spurts: obsessively learning and troubleshooting, then resting to reflect and polish, and then obsessively learning and troubleshooting again. I think it allows me to master in pieces what is important in photography to me: Lighting, mood, narrative, and the invitation to dwell inside. I am a student that is a work in progress. I am no where near done growing and although I cannot possibly picture where I will end up with my skill level and style 5/10 years from now I know I will still be making photographs in 5/10 years. Why: Because I'm incessantly curious and incredibly reluctant to succumb to the final death that is fear.

Is my life, My life is my work, My work is me.